@ShawnHatosy: I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, "you have a problem" so I replied, "no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."
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@TitansHomer: My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it you can smell the ocean.
@PORNOPINION: Tried to console my ex after losing her bf and all I could muster was, "there's plenty more married men out there."