@ShawnHatosy: I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, "you have a problem" so I replied, "no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."
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@BigHeb7: My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
@eeethanford: Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about
@SoVeryBritish: How to answer the door: 1. See person has arrived 2. Wait for doorbell 3. Count to five 4. Open and act surprised