@ShawnHatosy: I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, "you have a problem" so I replied, "no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@eat_pray_liv: Outkast: Ok now ladies! Me: Yeah??! OK: I wanna see y'all on your baddest behavior! Me: *slowly incurs $18.37 in overdue library fees*
@Stabby_smurf: If procrastinating were an Olympic sport, I would show up just in time to miss the medal ceremony.
@PinkCamoTO: CW: You're not wearing a costume. M: Yes I am. CW: You're dressed as yourself? M: No. I'm a serial killer. We look just like everyone else.