@OilCan314: I ate an entire box of delicious Triscuit crackers, and 8 hours later gave birth to a wicker chair.
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@Rollmaninoz: *walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*
@michaeldyllan: Can't believe New Zealand are introducing a new flag just as I finished memorising the old one.
@jngraphs: I see you've blocked me on all social media sites & moved house without leaving a forwarding address Baby, does this mean we're on a break?
@mrtruthandsoul: Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me.