@OilCan314: I ate an entire box of delicious Triscuit crackers, and 8 hours later gave birth to a wicker chair.
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@itshotterhere: I was gonna take a selfie, but I just checked the mirror and I still have the same face.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]
@PerfectPending: I don't envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.
@MouthOfSass: Just found some clothes my ex left here. Perfect timing since I'm out of toilet paper.