@killerdollrik: I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - "open bar"
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@ProdigyNelson: Lawyer: do you watch people use the bathroom? Defendant: no Lawyer: spell "ICUP" Defendant: I-C-U-P Judge: *softly* omg Jury: *whispering*
@decentbirthday: Just heard local reports of a stalker, which is funny because I watch everyone through their windows and none of them look suspicious