@Ideal_Victoria: I avoid cheating on my spouse by not getting married.
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@radtoria: 1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice
@jazmasta: Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.
@skitzoette: As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
@TheAlexP: Married men aren't allowed to go the grocery store alone because we're the kid in the shopping cart, but with money