@juneohara65: I await the announcement that Trump's running mate will be Charlie Sheen.
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@kimlockhartga: Had a little meltdown at work yesterday, so the upside is that everyone will be afraid to talk to me for awhile.
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there...
@Darlainky: Me: Forgive me father for I have sinned. I'm here to cleanse my conscience. Bartender: So...the usual?
@ch000ch: hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said "hope we don't die haha" at the same time and i jinxed him