@Brianhopecomedy: I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch.
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@LifesGoodThing: My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
@MarlonBrandNO: ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don't you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one
@Tmoney68: Me: I can't get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can.
@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here