@meganamram: "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Al-Qaeda: 'ISIS Goes Too Far'." Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation.
@AbbyHasIssues: The good news is it wasn't a bug. The bad news is I beat the crap out of a black bean on the floor with my shoe.
@MarfSalvador: me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster gf: you know you could have just taken a photo