@SadPeruna: "I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application
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@HairyJew4Life: Her: Did you hear that eating curry can get rid of bad memories? Me: So I should take you out for Indian AFTER we have sex?
@stonedcoldlazy: Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback
@Sean_Burgundy_: All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"