@SadPeruna: "I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application
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@SortaBad: Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit Me: ok Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
@noog: The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost
@SufficientCharm: That burrito didn't agree with me. And then I was like "Why am I arguing with a burrito?!"
@ElgatoEsmio: [DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff