@RadOrDie: I bet a lot more people would read the Bible if it was called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.
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@MikeBigby: [Airport security supervillain screening] AGENT: Spell 'haha' ME: OK, 'M',-- AGENT: ur under arrest
@carlyken: Most guys propose with a diamond but if you're really smart give her an onion ring that way if she says no you still have a snack.
@Pinky_0917: Open bottle, allow it to breathe. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth -Beer
@daisy_gi11: Anybody else always feel at least a little panic when their 6 says he "really needs scissors, like right now!"?