@TheMichaelRock: I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said "hold my beer, watch this"
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@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.
@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
@Ophoenix1: I've been watching the Crime Investigation channel all day. Murder just seems like the easiest way to solve your problems.