@TheMichaelRock: I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said "hold my beer, watch this"
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@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact? Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.
@thepunningman: [boardroom] "Now hear me out. They're Teenage.." Ok "Mutant.." I like where this is going "Ninja.." Noun me, Graham! "Turtles" You're fired
@MrDelFreaky: Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.