@kumailn: "I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him."-Nobody in Assassin's Creed
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@SequelsWeWant: 2001 A Space Odyssey 2 The spaceship returns HAL is just as uncooperative as ever. He never works. He becomes the basis for Windows 10.
@_4kidscrazy: Me: let's try to catch snowflakes on our tongues! Wife: but we're inside.?. Me: shhhh, just close your eyes.
@theshamingofjay: Friend 1: I was promoted. Friend 2: I got engaged. Friend 3: My wife is pregnant again. Me: One of my selfies almost got 50 likes.