@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio's friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg...
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@daemonic3: [starbucks] One tall iced latte please "Ok, can I have a name?" Well ok but it really should come from your parents
@Brampersandon_: CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on
@Jc1Johnny: If a woman wants to date me, she has to meet my strict criteria 1. Hair 2. At least one eye 3. A pulse 4. Not that bothered about 1
@gogglepossum: Me: My body is a temple Personal Trainer: But what about all the food and wine and parties? Me: It’s a temple to Dionysus