@ChiefTwittler: I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns.
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@dafloydsta: Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to.
@RoosterMustache: WIFE: omg the FBI ME: thats just female body inspectors W: why are they here M: probably all those female bodies we buried W: o yah lol
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.