@ChiefTwittler: I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns.
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.
@Cheeseboy22: When I die, I'd like my coffin to be filled with Reese's Pieces so on my headstone it can say "R.I.R.P."
@doktorj: "Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan," says my accountant while rubbing his temples.