@yerpalmildsauce: I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos.
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@LousyBastard: Had sex with my nephew's English teacher. Texted her the next day "Last nite was grate. Your so awsome!" so I don't have to see her again.
@JohnHilsen: Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.