@yerpalmildsauce: I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos.
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@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
@GregDunbar1: Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.