@rolldiggity: I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day, but why aren't they good enough for a holiday meal?
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@WineMummy: Me:*screaming in horror in the bathroom* Him:*banging on door* Are you ok? WTF is going on? M:I found a gray hair! H:So? M:IN MY EYEBROW!!
@ingmarbirdman: i sold all my lizards to buy my girlfriend a Toyota Tundra but she sold her drivers license to buy me a awesome obstacle course for lizards
@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: so do you go on a lot of dates? Me: *sucking the gravy from my plate* a lot of first ones.
@repomon: Knock knock?? Who's there?? Jehovah Witness. Knock knock?? Knock knock?? Hello?? Knock knock??