@rolldiggity: I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day, but why aren't they good enough for a holiday meal?
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@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
@vaniaperruzza: When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response? I like to be prepared.
@mrjohndarby: went to the supermarket with my 3 kids and was buying 24 beers and someone said 'isnt that too many?' so i said 'yes' and put one of my kids on the shelf and they called security
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears* I wish for World peace. Genie: Can't do it. Million dollars? Genie: Listen bro, I lied on my genie resume.