@TheWoodenslurpy: I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.
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@LackOfShame: *Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear
@MacAnnabella: The next time someone describes me as feisty, I'm going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo.
@furrrizzle: Dear diary, My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him. Apparently Meth wasn't what he expected. Dating is bull shit