@Dschnoeb: I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
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@joshgondelman: In retrospect, "Metallica" is a hilarious name for a metal band. It's like a Bob Dylan calling himself "Ol' Folksy."
@jlock17: Subway only exists because we're all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here's $8."
@dafloydsta: [trying to get a massage] How much for a happy ending? "Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?