@Dschnoeb: I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
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@samsara668: They say I can take the catheter out next week. And no, I'll never piss on an electric fence again
@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!
@bea_ker: Hey man, settle an argument for me? "Sure" [handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there