@IamEnidColeslaw: I bet every time Beyoncé leaves a restaurant everyone fights over who gets to smell her chair
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@doublewenis: Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
@SocialExtortion: How to pick up women: 1-approach beautiful lady 2-bend at the knees 3-lift gently 4-oh god she's screaming 5-put her down the cops are here
@jwoodham: Officer, I know I was speeding, but you have to let me go. I'm running late to a concert and I'm the guy who brings the giant beach ball.
@rickolantern: My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks