@AndyAsAdjective: I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says "Shaved Ice"
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@mjkspeaks: Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
@Jake_Vig: THERAPIST: You're cured. ME: Really?!? THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?
@garrydavenport: My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
@MatCro: GF: Sue at the bra shop said u got some lingerie ME: … G: Only u didn't give it to me M: [nervously adjusting thong] I'm having an affair