@AndyAsAdjective: I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says "Shaved Ice"
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@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!
@yoopnative: I'm broke but not "vacuums the air filter* instead of replacing it" broke. *more than twice.
@Reverend_Scott: Satan: "Waaazzz up?" God: "Speak of the Devil." Satan: "Really?" God: "Sorry, figure of speech." Satan: "Jesus Christ." Jesus: "What?"
@Storminika: I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'