@ispypanda: I bet it's tough being a police sketch artist in China.
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@BiIIMurray: I think abs are for guys that don’t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
@jtrulez: Having my oil changed today, but I need proof it's really changed. I've been hurt by oils before & I'm not going through that again.
@InternetHippo: *turns on the news* I wonder if things are getting better in the wor-- tv: AN ALLIGATOR ATE A BABY
@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.