@ispypanda: I bet it's tough being a police sketch artist in China.
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@DanielKostadino: During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
@ArfMeasures: ME: What's wrong? WIFI: You're obsessed with the internet ME: Give me one example WIFI: Look how you've spelled wife
@yazminda12: Me: *levitating, a jumble of furniture swirls chaotically around me* Him: so, you still mad?
@SuitableHolmes: Do you know where my mexican hat is? - It's somewhere bro.. Fine...a sombrero, but what I'm asking is have you seen it?