@kevnasto: I bet Jane didn't know Tarzan swings both ways.
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@AndyAsAdjective: My fly was down the entire day & I didn't notice. So I'm taking him out for drinks after work. Hopefully that'll help cheer him up a bit.
@Brianhopecomedy: *bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: "I SMELL COOKIES!" "Weird! Here's a salad."
@Rollmaninoz: Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda
@LooseTalks_Girl: When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage.