@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
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@Momtoteens: Dear Grocery Bagger, Please don't put dryer sheets and bread in the same bag. My kids don't like peanut butter & Spring Meadow sandwiches.
@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
@theshamingofjay: Life Goals Me at 14 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex Me at 34 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex
@NurseSeymour: You never really know how many inches you're gonna get or how long it'll last. Snow, maybe.