@OhNoSheTwitnt: I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying "at least I didn't kill anybody" to like every person he sees today.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ShutUpThatsWho: [spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is 'contempt' ME: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: [mocking voice] can you use it in a sentence?
@Tommytoughstuff: IMPROV PERFORMER: I need a suggestion. PERSON (from the back) BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER! IP: Okay, someone that's not my wife.
@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party] HOST (holding 2 identical coats): which is urs ME: does 1 have a corn dog in its pocket H: ya M (suspiciously): mine had 2
@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.