@DepecheALAmode: I bet Matt McConaughey isnt aware he's in movies. His agent drops him off & hes like "Ha-Allright..this is my life now? Cool camera broski!"
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@LoriLuvsShoes: A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair
@Tmoney68: Man, my 84-year-old neighbor must REALLY like working on his car. He's been under there changing the oil for 3 days.
@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@PaperWash: My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'.