@Harbinger_one: I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
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@BasicLyes: People wonder why I move to a new place every couple years. The truth is, I'm being chased by a snail with a grenade and a vendetta.
@dafloydsta: [bankruptcy court] JUDGE: Didn't you do any financial planning? ME: *lips pressed on mic* Yes, your Honor, I was planning on having finances