@Harbinger_one: I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
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@Just_Lee_: If she says "well you're too busy to chat so have a good day" ..what she means is she hopes it's a good day for your hair to catch on fire.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now.
@HiddleDeeDee: I accidentally flushed a public toilet with my hand instead of my foot. I may be dying now.
@Ygrene: Scientist: Finally, my modeling algorithm 'Predicting Cat Behavior' is complete! Cat: *walks across the keyboard, deleting the file*