@markydoodoo: I bet my doctor wasn't expecting to say "Sir, that is not a toy" so many times today.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: *sees a hot christian girl* Me: I am christian now,where do i get one of those plus signs? Friend: That's a cross. Me: across from where?
@noonanjo: Editor: “you wrote this weird, half the story is a single quote.” Reporter: [long drag on a Marlboro] “Trust me.”
@HenpeckedHal: Boss: You've been chosen to take a random drug test. Me: Very cool. So which one am I testing?