@noog: I bet no one's had as many concussions as the guy who invented nunchucks.
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@Thynebear: Mom I get nervous on dates & always sweat. "Wear something that doesn't show stains" [5 hours later] How was your date? She hated my poncho.
@dadofbieber: Studies suggests, 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big butt. The 10th man prefers the other 9 men.
@crushingbort: Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street
@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.