@noog: I bet no one's had as many concussions as the guy who invented nunchucks.
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@gruffybeard: The Jews probably would've wandered the desert for a lot less time if someone had just deleted Pokémon Go from Moses iPhone.
@trevso_electric: Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for "superficial"? "Shallow"? "Slave"? Or "soon to be obsolete"?
@yerpalmildsauce: In Heaven all your lost pets are sitting around waiting to see you again. "I wish he'd die," says Cupcake. They all nod.