@noog: I bet no one's had as many concussions as the guy who invented nunchucks.
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@enigmaterics: I've started my new diet by putting a salad in front of the beer. Thus I have to move it to get a beer. Because exercise is important too.
@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.
@MiddleageM: Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time... Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you...
@Nickadoo: My urologist is weird. I peed in a cup. He drank it and said, "You're fine." Then he paid me. Don't choose a doctor from Craigslist.