@Coolisiana: I bet nobody noticed Superman flying around at first, so Clark just started pointing out every bird and plane until it caught on
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@bazecraze: According to hotel AC, the difference between 72 degrees and 73 degrees is 40 degrees.
@david8hughes: [first day as a bartender] Customer: gimme a scotch on the rocks Me [scrunching towel into glass]: I know lemonade, I can do lemonade
@rickolantern: I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
@DavidKinney: If I am ever killed by a koala bear, I hope whoever finds me just tells people I was killed by a bear