@Smethanie: I bet Ryan Gosling doesn't even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.
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@AristotlesNZ: Cop: "You been drinkin?" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny "You're free to go.." Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?
@XplodingUnicorn: In case you wondered how much patience I have for questions today, I just told my 4-year-old the sky is blue because I said so.
@rockymomax: [x-ray] DOCTOR: wow ME: what DOCTOR: I don't know, there's a bunch of- ME: *eating a handful of pennies* a bunch of what