@Smethanie: I bet Ryan Gosling doesn't even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.
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@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"
@DaddyJew: Me:I gotta go home. Im bleeding & my computers broken Boss:looks like u just slammed ur head thru the computer screen Me:what is this CSI?
@solommb: My car has the innate super power of knowing when I have any extra money and spontaneously breaking down.
@samalmightysam: I T H I N K W E S H O U L D R U I N P E O P L E S T I M E L I N E B Y T W E E T I N G L I K E T H I S A L L D A Y . . . . .