@IsisIrisimawake: I bet Stephen King's kids aren't afraid of shit.
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@bonehugsnirony: [at job interview at NASA] NASA: sir, you're underqualified for this position. Me: have you seen our president? NASA: give him a spaceship
@BobbleheadMagy: I've never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
@afbradstone: Today I heard a guy on the street say, "It's chowder season, baby!" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words