@WriterLifeCo: I bet that at some point in history a baby ate a dingo.
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@Michael_Erhart: "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" "Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."
@Brampersandon_: [pharmacy] "Can I help you?" Yeah, could you recommend anything over the counter for this? *lifts shirt to reveal 7 fresh gunshot wounds*
@FuckabillyRex: If you're the kinda person that gets antsy when people stand on an escalator instead of walking, try a blood curdling scream, they'll move.
@dave_cactus: [restaurant] WAITRESS: Would you like a lunch menu or a dinner menu? ME: No thanks. I don't eat menus.