@capricecrane: I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.
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@generaldietz: Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?
@RichardDreyfuss: You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.
@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.