@capricecrane: I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.
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@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.
@JasonLight73: If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don't lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic
@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'