@FredPollack: I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns.
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@gobmentcheese: Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'm very attracted to you right now.
@InternetHippo: LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That's fine
@MartaEffing: Just saw a five year old in a track suit & a gold chain. His nana didn't think it was funny when I asked him if he could hook up some blow.
@alizmay: Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.