@ninetek: I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@Donna_McCoy: Sorry I yelled, "Sweep the leg!" when you got down on one knee to propose to your girlfriend. But I stand by my advice.
@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Valentine's Day was created by a woman than didn't get what she wanted for Christmas.
@Mr_Kapowski: *Boss approaches desk* "What the fu.." Me, wearing paper clip necklace - "See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"