@ninetek: I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."
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@NikiWithIssues: Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers.
@pleatedjeans: [angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you
@mommy_cusses: *Husband using Ouija board after I've died* Please answer me *arrow moves* "It's on the top shelf. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Use your eyes!"