@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now
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@pleatedjeans: Halloween is great bc kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
@JCWisdomNuggets: I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired.
@JaneBadall: Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus.
@ThingsDrakeDo: Drake the type of dude who eat two gummy bears at the same time so they don't die alone.