@thesulk: I bet the Mayans made great boyfriends because they're always wrong about everything.
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@MissNaughty1801: ...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more
@trojansauce: ME: hey baby HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: *looks closer* HOT GRILL: ME: oh
@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"