@KalvinMacleod: I bet the only thing more stressful than defusing a bomb is letting your husband pack for a big trip.
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@InkedUpKidder: My fan has two settings: - Barely moving. - Could propel a hovercraft across the Everglades.
@SteveSuckington: "You can have sex with my sister over my dead body" "Umm, I appreciate the weird offer, but I'm just gonna do it in my car"
@topaz_kell: The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk.
@UncleDuke1969: Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. "YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?" Brain: Magical!