@DurtMcHurtt: I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
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@Donna_McCoy: Reduce stage fright with a little vodka before the show. Bring enough vodka for everyone, and you won't even have to perform.
@ericsshadow: [on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. "Welcome to the United States."
@marcia_bee: Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.