@tigersgoroooar: I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, "awwww..."
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@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@VanGobot: WAITER: so did you enjoy your meal this evening? GF: I DID, until some IDIOT ruined it with his food puns ME: I cannoli assume she means you
@rickkondell: If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.