@weinerdog4life: I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot.
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@Bad_Ass_Trucker: Me: Did you hear that? Her: Go check it out Me: Are You Crazy? They always kill the good looking people first Her: You'll be alright
@AimeeHelene1: Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B.
@aveuaskew: The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
@Eric_Bader: Got laid twice in two days so either I've done something really good or my wife has done something really bad.