@TheTalkingPipe: I bet those 300 Greek soldiers would have stood a better chance if they thought to wear armor instead of going to war in capes & speedos.
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@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.
@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@RuinMyWeek: She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many