@VeryGrumpyCat: I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
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@peteholmez: "Hello, Time Warner? I need to speak with someone about setting up local Gotham cable in a secret prison. Yes, I'll hold." - Bane
@amishschool: Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.