@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."
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@SteveSuckington: It's amazing that no one at this swim up bar has had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours.
@cepheusjackson: [SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.
@WheelTod: [Stick Insects Anonymous] Group Leader: "There's no easy way of saying this. But I believe one of you may be a plant."