@KKAlThani: I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends "I've been eating like a cow!" and they'd laugh and moo or whatever cows do
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@_davidlucas_: Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*
@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.
@ieatanddrink: "I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"
@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.