@Savage_Scavange: I bet you 5390.24$ you can't guess how much money I owe my parents.
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@Donnie_Fairburn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I brought a girl home last night 911: That's not an- Me: NOW SHE WON'T LEAVE! *swat team busts down my door*
@Tmoney68: Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero.
@Clint_Bing: Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back
@thenoahkinsey: *phone rings* Yoda: Yoda Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD? Y: Uh L: And you knew & told me to kill him? Y: L: Y: Going thru a tunnel I am *hangs up*