@williamwanton: I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel
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@dumbbeezie: The best part of being a bear would be waking up from hibernation and immediately killing something
@StayAwayy_: My mom voice was so loud even my neighbors washed their hands & cleaned their rooms😒😒
@iamspacegirl: MY DATE WHO IS A SQUID: What movie should we see? ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*
@DumbConfessions: Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid.