@williamwanton: I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel
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@KalvinMacleod: GOD: for this to work, I need them to feel love CUPID: how about I shoot them through the heart with an arrow? GOD: ur starting to worry me
@TheNameIsBillyB: After reading about Rihanna's thug life tattoo, I think we all owe Chris Brown an apology.
@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@egg_dog: Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…