@briangaar: I blow-dried my hair, now it looks like the mane of a majestic lion who is really good at video games
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@sweet_pea707: *interview* So, why do you want to be a judge? *Imagines myself going work everyday in my robe* "To fight crime"
@YoungNobler: These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet.
@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."