@jackiembouvier: I bought a bathing suit yesterday and the automated voice said "unexpected item in bagging area".
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@danfishbach: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old has been beeping at me all morning. I thought there was something wrong with her. Turns out she's being R2-D2.
@KeetPotato: baby moses: [crying] mum: "why wont he stop" dad: "throw him in the river lol" mum: "okay" this is from a book called the bible