@jackiembouvier: I bought a bathing suit yesterday and the automated voice said "unexpected item in bagging area".
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@KaylarWill: It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus
@DennisLWeaver: Friend: I love FB but it's gettin a lil boring. Me: Well that's cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died.
@riesypiecey: Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance.
@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.