@jackiembouvier: I bought a bathing suit yesterday and the automated voice said "unexpected item in bagging area".
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@TheIronSherk: [Ouija board] O spirits, let me talk to m- C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I *squints* What the heck? A 3G board?
@mommy_cusses: Once upon a time, You weren't listening to the story mommy was reading to you so everyone in the book dies. The end.
@oscarewilde: [therapists office] my wife: i have a fear of giants me: she has f- marriage counsellor: me: my wife: don't you dare say it me: Feefiphobia