@BryMastas: I bought a keg and bagels today. That's what kegel is, right?
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@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: Use candles to set a romantic mood. Pro Tip Addendum: don't set the romantic mood right by curtains.
@TheChrisAngel: By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks.
@panmidwest: [Walk into a Cat Cafe] Me-I've never eaten cat. What do you recommend? Lady-They're for adopting not eating M-Oh, well can I adopt one? L-No
@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.