@BryMastas: I bought a keg and bagels today. That's what kegel is, right?
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@greg_vee: If intelligence runs in your family, I can only guess it tripped and fell before it got to you.
@shegotagronk: Complimented Taylor Swift on her shirt yesterday and now she's in a tree outside my window with a guitar and a wedding dress. Send.Help.Now.
@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.