@BryMastas: I bought a keg and bagels today. That's what kegel is, right?
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@DomesticGoddss: Me: What's the suite number on that address? 8: It just says "Hashtag 301." Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.
@mynameisntdave: If you want your dog to take a pill: 1. Get a piece of cheese 2. Eat the cheese for energy 3. Get ready to wrestle your dog
@jonnysun: dave is coming over "normal dave or dave whos alwayes doing impressions of evrybody we know" [from outside] hi guyes, its normal dave "noooo
@kirkfox: Pet peeve. Toilets that flush 4 me the moment I stand. I'd like to see the work I've done before it's violently ripped from my view. #life