@Social_Mime: I bought a treadmill because I ran out of closet space for my clothes.
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@CroweJam: I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
@BuckyIsotope: If Sesame Street really cared about children they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
@Kyle_Lippert: Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches
@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.